the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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