I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
