Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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