Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
