Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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