Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
