you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
