Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
