oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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