drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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