He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
