I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
worst night to have a conscience
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
there is puke in my bra ... again
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