I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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