my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
