I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
