We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
