She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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