i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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