I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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