end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize