I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
