hotel room ftw
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
