Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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