then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
