Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
