And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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