Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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