I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
