bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
