im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
