By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dicks are not precious.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
