People in love make me want to vomit
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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