...so i touched it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
