I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
