i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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