I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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