I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
