just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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