She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I die, sorry about rent.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
