**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you made out with another girl for some wings
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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