then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
