You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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