She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize