Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize