What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
