so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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