I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
