my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
