It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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