Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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