Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
