I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
