I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
