Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
