Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
