# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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