I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
