Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
