Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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