wat bout pragnant strippers??
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
