I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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