There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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