I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
