dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
